Void

What is it

To be loved,

To be adored,

To be taken care of?

/

Why do I have to beg

For your attention

Or your friendship

Or your affection?

/

How is it

On the other side

Of every phone call

Where I provide?

//

I’m tired of asking

And asking

And asking

For nothing.

/

I don’t ask much,

But still I feel like

I’m the burden

You want to fight.

/

You take my insecurity

And watch it grow,

Until they take hold

And never let go.

//

And I scream into the void:

Do you love me?

Do you love me?

Do you want me?

/

And I scream until

my voice gives out;

And now it’s just a whisper

Into a dark heart:

/

Do you love me?

Do you love me?

Do you want me?

Or was I just your accident?

/

Was I just the easy way

Until you got bored?

I became too much

And now I’m a chore.

//

I’m not even sure

If I have any tears left,

Or if you’d be worthy

Of any tears I’d have.

/

Am I loved?

Am I loved?

Was I wanted,

Or was I just there?

/

Am I so desperate

That I would die

For anyone who might

Tell me a sweet lie?

//

a lament for the victim

Jesus.

When my heart is this heavy, I find it really hard to find the words. I don’t even know what to ask you for. My spirit is grieving. I know that your love covers all, but I’m begging to feel it. I’m begging for your peace and patience. I know I have sinned a thousand times over, and I ask that you would remind me that I’d be just as lost if not for you. Don’t let me think of my enemy as evil, don’t let us harbor ill against or toward my enemy. Do not let the evil one keep us dwelling on the past.

I ask for your healing. I ask for more healing. Steady us and take away our trembling. Overflow our hearts with your eternal strength and peace. We’re on our knees, broken before you. You’ve redeemed us already. Remind us of how much you love us, how worthy and forgiven we are because of you. I ask again and again for your healing hand. You do not leave us.

Jesus, take her heart into your hands. Guard and protect it. Fill her with your love and your peace. Heal her. Cover her in your grace. Keep her thoughts fixed on you and her gaze fixed on things to come. Jesus, help her see what you see. Love her. Wrap her in your love. Use me and all the safe people you’ve placed around her as vessels for your love in her life.

My spirit is asking for more than I have words for, and I pray that you hear those, too. We praise you for you are the wonderful counselor and mighty God. We ask all these things in your name and power.

In the holy and precious name of Jesus.

Amen.